


Witch

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Depression, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Magic, POV Second Person, Past Violence, and about non-blood family dynamics, mention of violence, mentions of war and gore, reader character is Hyuk's mother figure, solider!vixx, this is a fic about depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 09:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18635728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: “Chasing glory will get you killed, Sanghyuk,” you sighed. Hyuk was still young, still had so much to learn.





	Witch

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note 4/28/2019: I had this drafted to post with my other fics but it got deleted for sitting there more than 30 days, and I never got around to posting it until today. I had originally rated this as "T?" because there is not explicit smut, just implied. But now that I'm posting it here, I decided to give it an M rating since it does address some heavier topics that some might find very sensitive. This fic is rather close to my heart, so I hope that y'all enjoy it.
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr on July 6, 2018.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: I live! It’s been over a year since I posted, but not for lack of wanting to… motivation has just been sparse. This is based on an idea I’ve had for months but never could settle into a good way of laying out until recently. I was going through a very dark time in April and May, and decided to start writing this as a way to explore and sort through some of what I was feeling–another fic to add to the pile of personal fics. In many ways, it’s a study of depression, and as such, the warnings should be taken seriously. Maybe this will help me return to writing more regularly? I hope so, but regardless, I don’t really expect this piece to be popular. Anyway, this song was pretty much written to Nier Automata's City Ruins Shade Quiet and Piano versions and Utada Hikaru’s Yuunagi, if you’re interested in BG music. Enjoy?

“I heard that a detachment will be passing through,” Hyuk said as he plucked weeds from the herb garden, affecting an air of casualness. You stole a glance at him between cutting the lavender. You hummed flat interest as you lay the fresh cut blossoms in a basket. The direction of this conversation was familiar. “A lot of the guys from the village are going to join them.” A familiar tension flared in your temple, but you remained silent, snipping a few extra stalks of lavender for personal use. “I was thinking of going too,” Hyuk broached carefully. You fought down a sigh, a wave of unsteady emotions.

“No,” you denied, as neutral as possible. This conversation was an old one, repeated every few months whenever new troops made their way to the front. The fighting had long passed this village–before the first armistice, when Hyuk was a boy–but it still robbed the village of its able bodied youth.

“You _always_ say that,” Hyuk protested.

“Chasing glory will get you killed, Sanghyuk,” you sighed, resting your scissors in the basket. He bristled at the use of his full name, at the scolding.

“I want to _help,_ ” Hyuk spat. “I want to put my magic to better use than _this_.” He threw the weeds he’d plucked into the herb garden and hoisted himself up to stand. His words and glare cut; you fought not to look away.

“We help the people _here_ ,” you asserted, refusing to let him intimidate.

“The people that need my help _aren’t here_ ,” Hyuk spat. “At least out there I can make a difference.”

“I can’t leave,” you sighed, pushing yourself to stand. “And you still have a lot to learn.”

“This is why the villagers avoid you.” You bent to pick up the lavender, letting the words cut into you because they were true. “This is why they come to me instead of you.”

“More reason to stay,” you said as you straightened. “Come, make the calming potion with me.”

“Make it yourself,” Hyuk refused, throwing his gardening gloves to the ground and stalking off towards the woods. You watched him go with a frown but did nothing to stop him. He’d be back when he calmed down. Even if he hadn’t forgiven you, he was still your apprentice and this was still his home. You were all each other had.

-.-.-.-.-

Hyuk returned when the moon was high and bright in the sky, but didn’t touch the dinner you’d left for him, nor did he say a word to you when he realized you’d waited up for him. He blew out the candles that lit the main room and left you alone in the the half moon light. A childish fit.

“If you won’t talk to me, at least talk to the Lee family when you deliver the potions,” you called after him in the dark. He responded by slamming his bedroom door.

-.-.-.-.-

Hyuk left mid-morning without a word to deliver the potions and did not return for lunch. His anger over your denial was sharper than it’d been the last time. The resulting rejection cut you just as deeply as you knew he’d intended it to. Perhaps you could have handled the conversation with more tact, but Hyuk was still _young_ , still had so much to learn.

He’d been spared the brunt of the horrors that came with war–so small when the fighting and disease had taken his parents. He’d suffered the _aftermath,_ become strong and bitter by fifteen when you took him as your apprentice. But the images of eviscerated bodies, stray limbs, lones heads–the cries, the roar of fires–the smell of blood and death–War was burned into you, had consumed your magic and life. You wanted to spare Hyuk from that horror. So you’d deny him for as long as he’d respect your disapproval.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You heard them approach even before the knock, the clank of armor and excited chatter announcing them, so you moved to the door to receive the soldiers. You had not expected blond hair and familiar feline eyes that evoked memories you’d thought you’d buried long ago. The chatter behind him fell away, and silence hung heavy in the air as you processed just _who_ was standing in front of you.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” he said in awe, finally breaking the silence. He was right–you hadn’t aged since you’d completed the rite and come into your powers. He, on the other hand, had grown broader, more worn. Five years of fighting would do that. Yet his voice was every bit as gentle as you remembered it.

“Leo, you’re alive,” you breathed, the entire situation still washing over you. The corners of his lips twitched upwards.

“Thanks to you,” he replied, almost as quiet.

-.-.-.-.-

The detachment consisted of a dozen men and a few recruits they’d picked up along the way, though only five had come to your home on the far outskirts of the village. A threatening number had you no magic, worrisome even with it. The sun had started to dip towards the horizon, and no sooner had you allowed the soldiers in and received introductions had they drifted towards your table.

“We’ve come to ask for your assistance,” the highest ranking among them, N, announced. You regarded him and the others carefully, grounding yourself with a hand on the table. It had only been a matter of time before you’d been approached like this again. Hyuk had yet to return from the village, but that was probably for the better. You sighed, taking a seat at the head of the table.

“What kind?”

“A spell,” N answered. “The northern front is… weakening. The Tarnes have focused the brunt of their forces there. It’s only a matter of time before they’re able to break through, and when they do, we could lose _miles_.”

“Healing and invigoration spells, then?” Leo shook his head.

“We came to ask about Nova,” Leo said, staring down at his hands folded on the table.  The mere mention of the spell was a cold shock. Memories of its blinding flash and the destruction left in its wake–an entire battlefield scorched beyond recognition–flitted across your mind.

“Nova,” you frowned, clenching your hands into fists and pulling them closer to your body. “Why are you asking me for it?”

“Your master was the last known caster,” N said gently. You dropped your gaze to the table, fighting the urge to stand up and walk away. The spell had almost killed him, had almost taken him before you could start the rite that marked the end of your apprenticeship. And though he survived, it was only for a few more years. Dwindling as your magic was, Nova would kill you.

“So you came to the student hoping I’d learned his ultimate spell,” you said bitterly.

“You were one of the best battlemages,” Hongbin, one of the younger members of the detachment, spoke up. “The men at the front tell stories of how you turned the tide of battle with your spells. We _need_ to turn the tides.” You stood and turned away, no longer able to face them. You bit your lip, crossing your arms as you crossed to the window on the far wall, needing to put distance between you and the men.

“This war has been going on too long,” Leo murmured. “You know better than any of us.” You did. You’d lived through more of it than any of the men seated at your table.

“Do you–do you understand what you’re asking of me?” you asked.

“Tens of thousands of casualties in one cast,” N answered.

“Sixty thousand _dead_ ,” you corrected. “Why is that kind of power necessary? There are other spells, other battlemages.”

“If we lose the northern front, we won’t be able to recover. Our losses in the aftermath could easily surpass that. Nova can force a treaty in our favor,” N pressed. “We cut the casualties early.”

“The price will be steep,” you sighed, closing your eyes. The spell would kill you. Nova would kill you. “You might not be willing to pay it when the time comes.”

“I assure you, we haven’t considered this option lightly,” N asserted.

“And if I refuse?” you asked, turning to meet his eyes. He remained silent. _They_ would kill you if Nova didn’t–at least they’d try. You sighed again, turning to look back out the window. Hyuk was coming up the path, bathed in the setting sun’s light.

“Give me time to think it over.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

“You know the soldiers?” Hyuk had asked the first chance he got away from the soldiers.

“Just the one named Leo,” you answered, shoving a bag of rice into Hyuk’s waiting hands. The soldiers had politely refused to leave, likely afraid you’d flee. A silly fear, given you couldn’t go far from the village. “He was one of the casualties I treated here five years ago.” Recognition lit up Hyuk’s eyes. It wasn’t long after Leo left to return to the fighting that Hyuk had approached you, begging to be your apprentice.

“So what do they want?”

“A spell.”

“Obviously.”

“And dinner,” you said, nudging Hyuk back towards the house. “Put them to work cooking. I have a few things I need to tend to.” Hyuk frowned down at you, and you gave him another nudge. He sighed and turned back towards the house.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You eased onto the low stone bench that overlooked the shrines at the far end of the property, the last of sun slipping beyond the horizon. The candles in each of the two shrines flickered noticeably in the growing darkness. One shrine belonged to your master, the other to his. You sat too far from them to have a proper conversation, to properly ask for guidance, but the quietude cradled by edge of the woods, away from the house, allowed you to think.

Your time was running short. Realistically, you only had about five years if you kept practicing at your current level, possibly a few more if you stopped when Hyuk passed the rite and came into himself. But even that–it would still be at least another year or two before he was _truly_ ready. And Hyuk grew restless. His heart wasn’t here. He’d leave to fight eventually, despite your disapproval, and you’d be alone again. Alone on the battlefield, alone in retirement, alone at the end.

Casting Nova would only hasten the inevitable. You would die. Hyuk would leave. Maybe it could end the war, could save Hyuk from the worst of it, but the force seemed excessive. You didn’t have enough magic left to produce a spell the magnitude your master had, but the resulting destruction would still be more than any of the soldiers had seen before. You’d slain thousands in your time on the battlefield, but Nova–Nova was never something you’d ever considered casting.

The scrape of the footsteps in the dirt behind you drew you from your reviere. You turned, relaxing when you realized it was Leo. He sat down beside you, slouched forward with his hands folded between his knees and his thigh touching yours.

“You didn’t come for dinner,” he said simply.

“I have a lot to think about,” you replied, turning your gaze back to the shrines. “Worried that I’d run?” Leo shook his head, the movement visible in the periphery of your vision.

“Sanghyuk seemed concerned,” Leo explained, a hint of amusement in his words. You sighed, relaxing your posture a bit.

“He’s a good kid.” Leo hummed in agreement. A heavy pause fell between you, weighing on you. Leo shifted, leaning ever slightly towards you.

“I’m glad you found someone.”

“He’s my apprentice,” you sighed, turning to look at Leo. “He’s like a son to me.” Leo averted his gaze, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks in the moonlight.

“I think about our time together here sometimes,” Leo admitted. “Peaceful. I could forget the fighting.”

“It was just a respite for the injured. The fighting was always just over the horizon.” Leo shook his head.

“It was normalcy, a glimpse of what we could have.” He unfolded his hands and reached for yours, tentatively brushing his fingers over the back of yours. When you didn’t flinch away, he rested his hand atop yours. “I wanted to come back sooner.”

“Leo…” His gaze met yours and you stumbled for words. “I didn’t think you’d look back.” Hurt flickered in his gaze. He shook his head, a quick movement.

“I missed this place,” he murmured.  He chewed his bottom lip, mind obviously working through something, before leaning closer. “Missed you.” You tilted your head, breath hitched. He took the permission and closed the distance between you. His lips were as soft as you remembered, the kiss as tentative as the first you’d shared five years ago. He ghosted a hand across your cheek, and you deepened the kiss. It had been so long since you’d shared this level of intimacy with anyone. He broke the kiss, hand settling to cup your face.

“This war has gone on too long,” he murmured before tilting his head to connect your lips again. “I want to bring this peace to everyone.” Your breath and heart stuttered, the words cutting even as Leo tried to smooth them over with another kiss. You buried your hand in his hair and gripped, deepening the kiss and leaning into him. He broke the kiss to nose against your jaw, pressing light kisses as his hand moved your hair out of the way.

“They sent you to seduce me into agreeing,” you breathed, the words stinging as they left your mouth. Leo froze. Two beats passed before he tried to move away, but you held him in place by his hair and kissed him, deep and fierce. “When did command sink so low as to use this tactic on an ally?” you asked when the kiss broke.

“We _can’t_ lose now,” Leo answered, voice trembling. He didn’t try to deny the accusation. “We need the spell.”

“At any cost?” Leo nodded, eyes filled with conflicted emotions. You cupped his face with both hands. Nova would kill you. Would kill thousands. Would undo everything you’d been working towards since you’d left the battlefield. And it wouldn’t even guarantee peace. “Do you understand what your asking of me?”

“I wouldn’t ask lightly,” Leo breathed. You stroked his cheek with your thumb, studying his gaze carefully. He was sincere in his desperation and grief.

“I can’t leave here,” you breathed.

“I remember.” He leaned down, catching your lips again and pulling you into an embrace. You let him. It’d been so long.

“We were lonely,” you murmured against his lips between kisses. “It was convenient.”

“We needed it.” His hand settled heavy on your thigh. “We still need it.” It was nice to pretend someone actually desired you.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The moon had long set, and the sky grew lighter with the imminent sunrise. You pulled your covers tighter to your chest and Leo snuffled behind you, nose pressing into your shoulder as his grip on your waist tightened. Sleep had only come in short fits, tainted by memories of the battlefield. Death. At your hands. At the hands of your comrades. At the hands of your master. It felt hypocritical to be so hung up on the destruction caused by Nova when your hands were already as stained as they were. But you hadn’t wanted to die on the battlefield. The death and fighting seemed almost senseless after how much you’d seen. It was a cycle you couldn’t stop. Nova wouldn’t change that. It would only leave deeper scars.

Maybe there was another spell that could accomplish their goal without the total devastation. Scaled up and modified beyond what the Tarnes could reverse with their own mages. So you shifted through your knowledge of spells meant for offense and defense alike as the birds started to welcome the rising sun. When Leo finally stirred, the sun firmly in the sky, you’d settled on an alternate strategy. Leo pressed kisses into your neck and shoulder, as tender as he’d been last night. You turned in his embrace, letting his lips find yours in a slow kiss.

“I’ll give you a spell,” you said when the kiss broke. Leo stiffened, eyes wide.

“You will?!” he asked. You nodded, and a smile spread across his lips. “Thank you,” he said, pulling you in for another kiss. He repeated the words against your lips, but the action felt hollow. You pressed him back gently.

“I’ll give you a spell, but not Nova,” you elaborated. “Stone.”

“Stone?” he asked, sitting up halfway and looking down at you, his brow creased. You rolled on to your back and met his gaze.

“Petrify the Tarnes, and release them when the treaty is signed.”

“Petrify an entire battlefield and use them as hostages to bargain with?” Leo asked skeptically. You nodded. At such a grand scale, it would still kill you, but the fall out of the spell would let you rest easier. “You’re a cruel tactician.”

“I’m kinder than command, apparently.” Leo snorted at the jab. “But I have conditions.” Leo raised his eyebrow. “Hyuk wants to help on the front lines. Take him with you.”

“He’s your apprentice,” Leo said, confusion and concern in his words.

“He’ll leave one day whether I approve or not,” you sighed. Leo nodded, expression turning to solemn understanding.

“And payment?”

“I don’t know,” you breathed. The spell would kill you when it was crafted, but it’d also certainly require a blood price when cast _and_ when reversed. “The spell doesn’t exactly _exist_ yet. I’ll need time to work out the finer details and craft it.” And to cull the needed energy for such a large scale spell from the surrounding woods.

“How long?”

“Until the full moon?” You could pull energy from that as well. Leo sighed, sitting up properly and running his hand through his hair. After a beat he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood. He fetched his pants and pulled them on before looking back at you, shirt in hand.

“I’ll discuss your proposal with N,” he said before turning to the door to your room.

“One more condition, Leo,” you said, pushing up into a sitting position and letting the covers fall away. Leo paused at the door, turning to look at you over his shoulder. “This time when you leave, don’t look back.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

“I heard you’re giving them a spell,” Hyuk said, the rustle of his steps in the garden warning you of his approach.

“Yes, I agreed,” you said, putting your clippers down and turning to look up at him over your shoulder. He stopped at your side and knelt down, placing a small basket with gardening tools down on his other side.

“What do you need for it?” Hyuk asked. You looked out over the garden and sighed. Everything would probably die when you cast the spell. What a shame.

“I’m not sure yet,” you admitted. “The basics for a petrification spell–there’s a number of possibilities, and I need to exam them all.”

“So you’ll be consulting your master’s texts?” Hyuk asked, a bit of excitement leaking into his tone. You rarely let him handle the old tomes, as fragile as they were.

“Mm,” you hummed, “But aren’t there a few more outstanding orders that we should complete first?” You picked up your clippers again, clipping the sage needed for the Joo family’s order.

“You’re really going to make the military wait?” Hyuk asked, a little incredulous. You edged away from Hyuk as he too started to gather herbs, struggling to find the proper response.

“Spells that powerful–they–” you fumbled, gathering your thoughts. The full moon was so _close_. The half waxing moon had just past. “They take time. Planning. Energy. I can’t rush it.” You only had one chance to succeed.

“Right… They’re planning something big with it, aren’t they?”

“Yes.” The answer was simple, punctuated with a note of finality that you hoped would get across that you didn’t want to discuss the specifics yet. Hyuk seemed to get the hint, and the two of you fell into silence. Hyuk worked diligently, quickly gathering the materials needed for the next five orders from the village. You worked more sedately, savoring the time in the garden with your apprentice, even as the sun crept higher in the sky and the air grew almost uncomfortably warm.

“I’m going to start on these,” Hyuk announced, standing up, basket of herbs in hand.

“Hyuk,” you called after him, standing up. He turned his full attention to you.

“Yeah?”

“The money for those orders–Keep it.”

“Keep it?” You nodded, looking over to the house. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine.” You shook your head. You wouldn’t need it. “I talked to N and Leo. Go with them when they leave.”

“Go–You mean–” Hyuk stuttered, eyes wide as the words sunk in. “I can fight?” An excited grin lit up his face, and he stepped closer you, hands coming to your arms. “You’ll let me go?” You nodded. He laughed excitedly and pulled you into a crushing hug. He squeezed as you awkwardly reached up to pat him on the back. “Thank you!” When he pulled back, he met your gaze, smile firmly on his lips. “What made you change your mind?”

“Leo–” you stumbled, pulling the first excuse you could think of from the air. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth– “Leo–is a good fighter. I trust him to take care of you.” It wasn’t a _lie_ , but it was far from the real reason.

“I can take care of myself, you know,” Hyuk assured, but the innocent words had the opposite effect.

“It’s _war_ ,” you said, words far more emotional than you’d expected them to come out. The thought of him getting swept up in the fighting, of getting injured or _dying_ –it wasn’t a matter he could brush off so easily.

“I know, but you taught me well,” Hyuk assured again. You had, and he was so _bright_ , so _gifted_ , and you were so _proud_ of him. But he wasn’t ready. You didn’t want him to leave, but there’d be nothing left for him here–

“Hyuk, you’ll need to find a new master once you leave,” you said, the words requiring every bit of determination in you to be steady.

“Why–”

“I can’t–” you cut him off, almost too sharply, breath hitching as you realized where your words were going–”We _heal_ , but that’s not enough to survive out there. You need someone who will teach you the most effective spells to fight. I can’t– _won’t_ be that person.”

“So you want me to find a new master?” Hyuk asked, the joy in his voice gone.

“You need to complete the rite and come into yourself,” you affirmed.

“Then I’ll come back here when the war is won–” You shook your head.

“I’m not what you need anymore.” The words sounded broken, though you’d tried to steel yourself. His brows knit and he stepped back.

“You’re pushing me away, just like you push away the villagers,” Hyuk accused. The words stung, but you couldn’t deny them. “Just because I want to go to the front? You’re giving them an attack spell, but you won’t teach me offensive spells?”

“Hyuk–”

“Fine. I’ll find a new master.” He turned, stalking off to the house before you could say anything. With a stuttering breath, you turned towards the shrines. You couldn’t face anyone in that house yet.

-.-.-.-.-.-

When the sun was set and the soldiers were set to clean up after their evening meal, you slipped outside to set up an energy collecting circle next to your bedroom window. The stars were twinkling into view, the moon already bright in the sky. At the center, you placed a large crystal to temporarily concentrate the energy collected from the moon and surrounding woods.

When you were done, you returned to your room and carefully pulled the tomes your master had passed down to you from the bookcase. With an armful of tomes, you returned to the main room of the house. Hyuk had returned to the workstation, a variety of herbs spread out as he prepared to make an anti-inflammatory tea for the undertaker’s mother, a weekly order. You put the books in neat stacks on the kitchen table. The thought of officially passing them to Hyuk briefly crossed your mind, but there was no place for books as old as these on the battlefield. They needed to remain here. He could have them if he ever came back.

“Hyuk, help me research petrification spells,” you called to him.

“There’s still a lot of orders I need to work on,” Hyuk refused. You fought the urge to sigh. He was still angry about earlier–though you couldn’t blame him.

“I hope you can follow orders better than that on the field,” N teased, clapping Hyuk on the shoulder as he came around to the table, his chore done. “Insubordination isn’t taken lightly.” Hyuk turned his head to blink after him, a bit shocked. N stilled next to the table, features gentle. “I’d be more than happy to help, if you’d like some.” You blinked at him, caught off guard at the offer. In afterthought, it shouldn’t have been surprising. N was invested in his mission.

“Do you know what to look for?” you asked, sitting down. The texts were all in ancient languages, dead outside of their use in magic.

“I will if you show me,” N hummed picking up one of the books.

“I’ll help, too,” Leo offered, drying his hands on a rag as Ken put the last of the dishes away. You nodded, picking up one of the books and flipping through it until you found a relevant page, showing them the text.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You worked through the night, compiling notes on the various petrification spells: ingredients, incantations, energy. There were magical creatures that employed petrification magic, and most spells were designed to mimic or reverse those applications. Nothing on the scale you needed had been tried before. Hyuk cleaned up the work station a few hours after the soldiers had gone to bed and settled across from you at the table. He skimmed over your notes before reaching for one of the tomes that hadn’t been reviewed.

By the time the sun started to rise and Hongbin rolled out of bed and into the kitchen to start boiling water for coffee, Hyuk had fallen asleep on one of the tomes. When N and Ken joined Hongbin in the kitchen, you quietly collected your notes and retreated to your room. With your notes spread out on your bed, you set about creating the recipe and incantation that would ultimately become the spell’s catalyst–a magical petrification bomb to be detonated by another mage on the battlefield.

Leo brought you warm coffee when the sun was bright in the sky. He nestled into your side to watch you scribble notes in foreign words over your shoulder as he sipped his own cup. His warmth was welcome, though his gaze was distracting, almost worrisome. When N called him away for morning drills, he kissed your neck before disentangling himself. You quickly found yourself missing his warmth.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The spell was done by the time the setting sun dyed the clouds shades of pink and purple. You’d left your room only briefly, to gather materials for several small scale tests. Each test had been performed on insects you had the soldiers catch in the garden, small but living. The spell had to be adjusted three times, but you were now able to cast and _reverse_ the spell without bringing harm to the victim. Once the spell had been completed, you’d set about testing every depetrification spell in the tomes to ensure the Tarnes couldn’t reverse it.

Such small scale tests only cost a two days of life energy, but combined with the lack of sleep and food, the drain was utterly exhausting. Leo had brought food and coffee for you, unprompted, but it’d largely sat untouched on your desk. He’d stayed briefly to watch, but you hadn’t spoken much with the soldiers other than to request they go bug catching. And Hyuk–he’d set about fulfilling orders as soon as he woke up, from what you could tell, affording little chance to interact.

But the spell was done.

You tucked the finished spell into a book of your spellwork, sealing it so only you and Hyuk could open it, then gathered your notes and failed formulas. With a spark of fire at your fingertips, you burned it all.

It was done.

It was done.

You collapsed on your bed and _slept_.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sunlight poured into your window when you woke, dreams of the battlefield still fresh. There wasn’t much time left until the full moon.

You pushed yourself out of bed, movements sluggish and heavy with sleep, with the memories of blood and death. There wasn’t much time. You’d be dead soon. There were still things to get in order.

Ravi and Hongbin sat the the table, playing a game of chess. Hyuk stood at the workstation, Ken sat next to him chatting animatedly as Hyuk worked. The eldest soldiers were absent, but wouldn’t have gone far–they were too invested in this mission. Ken was the first to notice you, eyes twinkling as he broke into a smile.

“You’re awake!” he announced, breaking off in the middle of whatever he’d been saying to Hyuk. Your apprentice paused, turning to look back at you.

“We saved you breakfast and coffee,” Hongbin said, not looking up at you as he moved one of this pieces. Ravi groaned, slumping in defeat as Hongbin confiscated one of Ravi’s pieces. You turned to the counter, finding the food there.

“Thank you,” you murmured. You should eat, you needed the strength. You took the coffee, cold and disgusting, and chugged it. Hyuk made distraught noise at the action, but you ignored him. You fidgeted when you placed the cup down. There wasn’t much time left. You should eat, but there were still things you needed to get in order. It would be hard to rest until you’d set that in motion. You pushed away from the counter and turned to Ravi and Hongbin, a lump forming in your throat.

“I’d like to ask you a favor,” you said, addressing the soldiers. Hongbin looked up from the board and Ravi looked at you over his shoulder, brow raised in question.

“What kind of favor?” Ravi asked.

“I need to prepare some things before I cast the spell,” you said. “I need supplies from the village.”

“Just a supply run?” Hongbin asked, a bit incredulous. “I don’t think N would have a problem with that.”

“I can get them when I deliver the orders,” Hyuk offered. You shook your head.

“No, send the orders with the soldiers,” you directed. “We need to start preparing medicinal spells for you to take with you. The materials will be sparse at the front.” Hyuk looked as if he wanted to argue about sending the soldiers to deliver the orders, but Ken spoke first.

“She’s right about the supplies. It’s a good idea.”

“It’s not like we have anything better to do while babysitting you two,” Hongbin agreed. “I could use the exercise.”

“I’ll help gather the herbs!” Ken piped in cheerily.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You sent Ravi and Hongbin off with a list of supplies and all of the completed orders, your impending mortality heavy on your chest as you watched them set off for the village proper. Hyuk had made extras for the regulars in anticipation of Stone taking a lot out of you, but he hadn’t seemed to realize just how potentially lethal casting the spell could be. The soldiers seemed to suspect, but didn’t comment. You were a powerful mage, old and experienced, but not outwardly different from the ones at the front. Any spell could be their last, and one did not ask a battlemage how long they had left. You couldn’t bring yourself to voice it. Stone would be your last, and you still had so much left to get in order before the full moon.

“So what do you suggest I take?” Hyuk asked, drawing your attention away from the retreating forms of the soldiers. You turned to look over the garden.

“Pain dampeners, toxin purifications, anti-inflammatories, cell regeneration, anesthesias, sleep aids, sleep deterrents–to name a few. As much as you can make, and as much raw supplies as you and the others can carry.”

“There won’t be much left,” Hyuk frowned.

“It’ll regrow.” What wasn’t harvested would die with the spell, but the seeds of the more tenacious plants _would_ grow with time. Perhaps by the time Hyuk returned it would be full of life again. If Hyuk returned. Regardless, what wasn’t taken would go to waste.

“The mages at the front will appreciate it,” Ken said. Then, after a beat, “Would you have been this generous if Hyuk wasn’t coming with us?”

“N would have politely requisitioned it if I hadn’t volunteered it first,” you answered flatly, looking Ken straight in the eyes. “I’m no stranger to the practice, though I’m usually left alone out of respect for my service.” Hyuk squirmed at Ken’s side, a tense expression on his brow as his eyes darted from you to the garden. Ken barked out a laugh, looking away from you.

“You really know the game,” Ken said dryly. For all his chipper airs, he seemed disillusioned by the ongoing war. “Well, the sooner we start harvesting, the sooner you can get casting, right, Hyukkie?” Ken said, instantly cheering up and jostling Hyuk by the shoulder.

“Right–” Hyuk agreed, tone distracted. Ken stepped towards the tools. Hyuk’s attention returned to you. “Are you, are you really okay with it?”

“It’s _war_ ,” you said, meeting his gaze. “I’m not going to send you off without the tools to do what you do best.” Hyuk swallowed, gaze conflicted.

“But you won’t teach me offensive spells?” he asked. You swallowed, looking away from him. He had the foundation for them, and you would _have_ to teach him Stone in order to reverse the spell, but anything more practical in combat required ample _practice_ and supervision. And the full moon was fast approaching.

“There’s not enough _time_ ,” you said, stepping towards where Ken had wandered off.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Completely harvesting the garden was quick once N and Leo had returned from whatever errand they’d disappeared off to complete. The remainder of the day was spent calculating and dividing the materials needed for each type of spell catalyst to be made in bulk, Stone’s set off to the side. Most wouldn’t need much magic to augment the herbs’ natural properties, and the few that did were best cast fresh at the time of treatment. Once everything was divided, you set the soldiers to prepare dinner while you and Hyuk began drying several ingredients for use in teas, potions, tinctures, and powders for salves.

Ravi and Hyuk returned as the sun sunk low in the sky. They passed the money from the orders to Hyuk, who took a break to properly count it, and directed you outside to your requested supplies. There was a small bag of crystal and rocks which you needed for Stone, but it didn’t matter as much in that moment as the pile of wood and rope and carpenters tools. Your breath escaped you. You sunk into a crouch, reaching out to brush your hand along the grain as the reality of everything hit you again. It would make a good shrine.

-.-.-.-.-.-

When the first rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon, you detangled yourself from Leo’s grip. He groaned at the loss of warmth and snuffled into the bedding. His continued attempts at companionship had been nice, if not a bit odd after being found out and getting what he wanted. Perhaps it was guilt over letting himself be used in that way, or perhaps it was genuine affection. In the end, it mattered little. He would leave with Stone, just like everyone else. You would be dead. You’d take what comfort you could get. Your relationship had always been about convenience.

You dressed and pulled Hongbin away from the kitchen before he could start the morning coffee. You directed him to help you move the wood and tools to the small clearing at the woods’ edge where the other shrines were located. When everything was laid out and the sky was properly brightening, you dismissed him back to his morning duties.

It was tradition among mages to erect a shrine to honor those that had died, to properly lay them to rest. You’d built a dozen over your life. Most had been on the battlefield. Fallen comrades. Enemies you’d struck down. Sides hadn’t mattered, the tradition so _sacred_ that you knew you’d receive the same had you fallen in battle, that the confused and disapproving glares of non-mages didn’t matter. Mages were mortal gods, made through the rites which bound them to the source of their powers, a well deep but not infinite. Gods that were not worshipped. Gods that could not pass on to the afterlife for their binds to the earth. A shrine was a resting place.

You’d built your master’s shrine a hundred years ago. Carefully crafted it with the love and respect you had for him. Visited him regularly, if with growing infrequency, for his wisdom. Now, with the wood spread across the clearing and the sun coaxing the birds to song, you could hear him calling to you in concern.

_Why are you building a shrine?_

“Hyuk’s leaving,” you eventually managed, the words more watery than you’d expected. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Measuring and cutting the wood had taken the better part of the morning. The sun was nearing its highest point when you began burning the inscription that would keep the wood from rotting into the underside of the base. You’d add a few more to the roof and inside of the box–simple inscriptions, unlike the history you’d written for you master and he his. Name. Peaceful rest charms. The thought of adding anything more was distasteful. It wasn’t your place.

“Why are you building a shrine?”

The sudden question caused you to jump. You’d been so caught up in your work that you hadn’t noticed any approaching footsteps. You turned, hand on your chest, heart pounding. Hyuk stood by the bench, a cup and plate of food in hand, brow pinched, anger in his eyes.

“Sanghyuk,” you managed, swallowing down your surprise.

“Why are you building a shrine?” he repeated, voice breaking. You stared up at him, paralyzed, searching desperately for the right words. “What aren’t you telling me?” You swallowed again, breaking eye contact to look at the wood.

“You’re leaving,” you breathed, the words coming out broken even to your own ears. “Who else would?”

“ _I’ll_ come back to. It’s my responsibility to–”

“But it’s _not_ ,” you hissed. “You’re _leaving_. You won’t be my apprentice anymore once you go.”

“You’re the only one who wants that!” Hyuk snapped. “Do you really think I’d just forget about you when I go? Even if I find a new teacher on the field, this is my _home_. I’ll come back.” You sucked in a ragged breath, tears threatening to spill, and brought a hand up to cover your face.

“There won’t be anything here,” you choked. “Even if you survive the fighting and return, there won’t–I won’t–” You broke off, unable to repeat it.

“You won’t?” Hyuk prompted, voice breaking as understanding settled over him. You swallowed the growing lump in your throat.

“I can’t wait for you to come back. I need this done before you leave.”

“Why? Why rush?”

“I don’t have much _time_ , Hyuk, and Stone will take it all,” you spat. The words felt like they were ripped from your chest, leaving you feeling raw with the reality admitting it aloud had brought.

“Take it all?” Hyuk repeated, breathless. Then, with growing anger, “And you agreed to it?”

“My death is inevitable. You leaving is inevitable. Stone gives you the best chance of coming out of this war alive.”

“There have to be other options!” Hyuk yelled. There was a clatter, and you peeked over your hand to see the plate of food and cup on the ground.

“Do you think the soldiers would have left empty handed?” you asked.

“You don’t have to be the one to cast the spell. I could–”

“ _No!_ ” you hissed, rising. It was dangerous, and you wouldn’t let his time be stolen away over this, not so soon.

“Then someone else! You could have handed them the recipe and had another mage caste it.”

“You’d trust the military to use such a powerful weapon at their discretion?” you asked. Hyuk bristled, physically doubling down. “They came asking me to provide a spell that would raze an entire battlefield. And I can think of a dozen ways to abuse Stone to make it as horrible–it already _is_ horrible. I can’t control what they do with the catalyst, but I can limit their access to the full spell.”

“You could have refused, you could have fought back–you–”

“I’m tired, Hyuk,” you sighed, deflating. “Of fighting, of death.” Hyuk wilted. You looked out over the garden, towards the town. “I came home to live out the rest of my time away from the brunt of it, to help out how I could, but I always knew the soldiers would come eventually.”

“The soldiers tell me stories of your heroism.” Hyuk’s eyes were watery. You sighed, stepping closer to him. “Of you pushing back the enemy lines with fire. How you struck down an enemy mage with lightning.”

“The price was my time and what little I have left is borrowed.” You motioned to the woods and garden you’d bound yourself to in order to live just a few more years.

“Then why waste it?”

“Is trying to protect you a waste?” Hyuk squeezed his eyes shut, fists balled tight at his side. Tears threatened to spill. Your voice wavered. “I can’t stop you from leaving. And I can’t go with you. And the military is convinced a move like Stone could win the war. I don’t consider trying to end this war before it can rott you like it has me, like the soldiers in the house, a waste of what’s left of me.”

“Were you going to tell me?” Hyuk asked, voice barely above a whisper, sounding every bit as fragile as you felt in that moment.

“Even now, it’s hard to speak it,” you breathed, “and it felt like undue burden for you.”

“Do the soldiers know?”

“I’m sure a few suspect.” Hyuk swallowed, looking as if he was torn.

“We deserve to know these things,” he managed after a moment. A tear streaked down his cheek and he reached up to furiously rub it away, averting his gaze. You dropped your gaze to the food spilt on the ground. “Stop pushing everyone away.”

“Would it have made a difference knowing sooner?” Hyuk opened his mouth to reply but broke off with a shaky breath. After a moment’s hesitation he stepped forward and pulled you into a tight hug.

“I’ll finish the shrine,” he said, words hitching. “I’ll finish it and light the candle before I go.”

“Thank you,” you murmured, curling your hands into fists on his back.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Leo’s lips lazily trailed along your neck, affectionate in afterglow. Moonlight lit the room just enough to see clear shadows cast on the ceiling, it’s growing brightness a heavy reminder. You carded through Leo’s hair, playing with the short locks at the crown of his head.

“Do you really think Stone will work?” you asked. Leo shifted between your thighs and you let your hand drop to the nape of his neck.

“I have to,” Leo murmured, just below your ear. “I have to believe, to keep going.” He shifted again, sliding down slightly to rest his head on your chest, over your heart. “I’m tired.” He wormed his arms around you, nuzzling into you. You welcomed his weight. “I want to have peace like this every day.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

“I’ve prepared the raw ingredients for the catalysts,” you explained to Hyuk, pointing to two storage jars resting in the corner of your room. The door to your room was closed, and the soldiers were scattered to perform whatever duties they had. Still, you’d cast a sound dampening spell on the room to prevent eavesdropping. “I’ll create Stone’s, but it’ll need to be caste at the front. At the scale they want, it will likely kill an experienced caster, and if not, their time will be severely diminished.” You met Hyuk’s gaze pointedly. “Whoever casts the spell needs to understand this.”

“I’ll make sure,” Hyuk said, nodding. Dark circles cradled his bloodshot eyes.

“It won’t discriminate between friend and foe. Whatever allies are still on the field will succumb. I’ve already told N, but please, Hyuk, make sure that you’re nowhere near when it’s cast.” Hyuk swallowed and nodded.

“Of course.” You stepped towards the jars and placed your hand on the one on the right.

“This is for the reversal,” you said. “Guard it well. They’ll do their best to keep you alive so long as you’re the only one who can help with the reversal.” You looked up at Hyuk. “I’ll teach you both Stone and the reversal in case anything happens, but–” you paused, looking for the right words. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to let on that you know the full spell.”

“Why? Do you think they’ll try to exploit it?” Hyuk asked, shifting.

“Yes, and when they come to you, you won’t have the excuse that you never learned the full spell to fall back on.” Hyuk grimaced. You sighed stepping away. “The reversal is much the same as Stone. However, the more energy poured into the catalyst, the less will be needed at casting. If the burden is shared, the risk of death will be greatly reduced.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to create the catalyst?”

“You haven’t come into yourself. It’d be too dangerous–something this strong–I don’t know how much of you it’d take.” You took a shaky breath. “Besides, you’re needed at the front.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

When the sun set, you took the crystal that had been gathering energy to shrine clearing. You settled in front of them to draw the energy from the crystal and meditated the whole night, conversing with your master and his.

-.-.-.-.-.-

When the sun’s warmth caressed you, Hyuk settled at your side, head bowed and silent. The brush of the of the morning breeze. Birds waking to song. The morning still. When the sun was high and bright in the sky, Hyuk finally broke the silence.

“The soldiers are preparing to leave tomorrow.” His words were strained by the unspoken. _Tonight is the full moon_. You reached out and took his hand in yours.

“Don’t look back and regret this time. Don’t regret decisions that were out of your hands.”

-.-.-.-.-.-

Leo caught your wrist and led you outside to a corner of the house he felt was out of earshot of the others. He pressed you to the wall, forehead to yours. The sun was low in the sky, sunset only a couple hours away. You let him embrace you and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. A soft press of the lips, tender, trembling.

“I want to stay,” Leo admitted. “I’m not ready to return to the fighting.”

“You’d be branded a deserter.”

“I know,” Leo sighed. You took a shaky breath.

“Leo, I need you to watch over Hyuk for me. I need you to make sure peace comes out of using Stone.” He kissed you.

“I’ll come back.” You cupped his face.

“ _Don’t_ look back,” you reminded. “My second condition.”

Leo made a broken noise as he pressed his forehead to yours.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You stood across from Hyuk in the moonlight that poured through your bedroom window. Hyuk cradled a large glass bottle, the raw materials for the catalyst freshly transferred into it. You reached out, hands hovered over the bottle, and concentrated. You closed your eyes, picturing the form of the final spell. Energy flowed from the moon, from the land, from your body to your hands. Concentrated as it was, it rippled and crackled along your palms. You poured everything into it.

You met Hyuk’s gaze, one last time. His eyes were rimmed red, glistening with tears he was fighting desperately to contain. You gave him a faint smile before taking a deep breath and directing the energy to the bottle.

_“Ashvala hilafi tidas stufriskilani fi dalfi kan kala. Etvali kitalskin sfitvala ta.”_

The energy ripped away from your body with a snap, stealing your breath with it. There was a flash, the bottle glowed with power. Your vision stuttered and you fell into darkness.

-.-.-.-.-.-

It was mid morning when Hyuk lit the candle in the shrine. Smoke stained the air. His cheeks were wet. Stone and the reversal were tucked in a bag that wouldn’t leave his side.


End file.
